Earlier today

I took DS to his Camp Applause - which btw uses NIV and says "traditional" hymns like When I survey the Wonderous Cross use "old fashioned" language and we need to rewrite it into modern....yeah we aren't doing the devotional book they sent home and I would pull him out but the family is coming tomorrow night to see him in his recital. They also erroniously said David rebuilded the temple...I pointed out that David was already dead when the temple was built.

I brought this up on Tuesday morning when I dropped DS off. Yesterday the lady leading the devotions told me she just copied it wrong and has made the correction in her notes for when she tells it to the kids. She acted like it was no big deal...well it's a good thing someone pointed that out.

I also mentioned that we do KJV not niv and they were like oh we use niv all the time and see nothing wrong with it....guess they don't notice the missing verses, not to mention inaccuracies.

So this morning yet another morning of dropping of my son while all the other mommies dropped off 1+ kids and still had several age newborn to not old enough for the camp (age 4 or 5 because had to be out of kindergarten to attend) and their stares of wow doesn't she have a nice morning with nothing else to do..lucky lady...

they have no idea the sadness and aching and longing I feel to be in their shoes with more children to take home and attend to.

I feel like such a social outcast.

I don't know why we read of Sarah, Rachel, Ruth (she was married 10 years or so to her first hubby and had no children), Hannah, Elizabeth, etc...if they weren't put there to give hope to those who are facing infertility, be it primary or secondary....I don't know what other reason they serve.

5 years and one month believing, praying, seeking, Beseeching, begging, for more children.

And yet here I am online in cyberspace posting my feelings because no one in my real life wants to know or cares. At least not anymore. All they do is giddily tell me about so and so expecting #2 or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or 7....and yes good for them but don't my own family know this hurts me and tears me up inside...this is not the kind of news you share giddily with someone who is desiring more children so strongly and yet it ain't happening.

I know suck it up. Quit complaining. You should be thankful for what you do have. Get on with your life. Just adopt -as if it were that easy.