The Journey Home

When I was about 16 or so, I had been spending time with the Lord and I was shown a vision of myself around a dining room table and I was Home Educating them (more than one). So I just always knew one day I would be a HomeSchooling Mom.

When my DH and I had been - uh oh the taboo word- "just boyfriend/girlfriend", We were talking about what we wanted out of life. He knew I wanted to be a wife and mom and homeschool. In other words no desire at this time to pursue a career. To this day he didn't think I meant that because at the time I was going to the junior college for an accounting degree. That was because my mom said I could live at home rent free as long as I went to college...like who wouldn't jump on that offer?! :-)

DH is not totally sold on Homeschooling as being the best and only option. He still doesn't see anything wrong with institutional type school, but only the Lord can change his view, not I so I can only pray about it.

Well since I know I am to homeschool our son, I have to be at home to do that. Over the past 5 years, I have been in and out of employment.

When I was about 6 months pregnant with our son, I was unable to work at the bank and quit. We were living with DH's mom and sisters at the time and his mom was all for my staying home since I was working "growing a baby" as she told my DH. At week 36 exactly, our son emerged from the womb. I stayed home with fulltime for the first 6 months as we were still staying with my MIL. Then my mom had a house we could rent, but I was concerned we wouldn't be able to pay all the bills involved in having our own place. I was right, we were hardly ever able to pay the rent my mom was asking for. So my dad and I started delivering newspapers. It was only one day a week but the gas money ate up most of our profits.

When our son turned 1, I got a full time job. Even home daycare was a nightmare. As a new mom, of course I would actually call to check on my son. The first time I called, the ladies 16 year old daughter answered the phone. I asked where her mom was and she said she was in the shower. So my next question was where are the kids she is watching. The 16 year old replied that they were all taking a nap. Now I find that hard to believe, after all she was watching children of varying ages and older children don't take a morning nap. SO that was a "red flag" for me. A few weeks later, I went to pick up my son and he was crawling on the laps of guys wearing leather pants, no shirts, with tatoos, chains, and dog collars on, and they were also drinking beer. I was appalled that she would have such guest in her home during business hours. I promptly told her my son would not be back.

From the time our son was 15 months to 23 months I was again home w/o contributing financially. Around the time my son turned 2, I decided to build a business using the healthier home/body care products I had been using the past 1 and 1/2 years. I was able to keep that up for another year or so, bringing in about $1000+ a month. DH even commented once a grocery store trip, that if it wasn't for that money, we wouldn't be able to eat.

Around the time our son turned 3, DH was getting angry for some reason. He was lashing out and saying I needed to get a real job, that just making calls from home and helping people shop for safer products was not real work (even though he didn't seem to mind the paychecks). I figured we had at least 2 years before I needed to be home to educate our son and so my Sonday School teacher/Children's Pastor was hiring where he was the manager and I interviewed with the company and got the contract job. My boss/teacher/pastor eventually quit though as he was called into ministry full-time and moved away. When DS was 3.5, the owner of the contracting company came to visit us- which is never good news- and he told me with tears in his eyes that due to the new 2005 budget, the EPA didn't have enough funds for contractors, our promised 5 million went to 1 million- not enough for as many employees. I just told him not to cry for me because I have a 3 year old that would be more than happy to know mom was no longer going to work.

For the next 2 months, DS and I used free preschool at the table and he really looked forward to it every morning.

Of course in 2 months, bills really pile up, so I went to a temp agency to get a temp job. I worked for another 2 months and then was off for the summer. DS turned 4 during that summer and in the beginning my - I don't totally think homeschooling is the best/only option- DH says I should start brushing up on it so we will be ready the next year. Yes, the Lord works in mysterious ways.

At the end of the summer, my mom called to say the chiropractor where her husband goes was taking resumes and I should apply. Now at this time we were not hurting financially- just doing as best as could, not living in the lap of luxury or anything- so I asked my mom who would watch DS and she said she would. SO I applied and ended up getting the job. I started on 8/29/2005. My mom did watch DS faithfully at first but then I think she got burnt out and wanted to travel, after all she is retired. My dad was unable to help for a few months, but generally likes watching DS, however, DS doesn't always like going to Papa's because Papa makes him mind...;p

Since June 2006, the 4 year anniversary of DH and I trying for a second child...I was down and realized that my working outside the home- even part time- was taking me away from my DS, who if the Lord doesn't see fit to give me anymore- will be my only child and I don't get to see all those stages again, the ones that as time passes I keep forgetting every little thing, like how did we spend our days when DS was 2, what times of the day did DS like to nap, and etc.

Of course DH is not happy with my not working, however he never said "Woman you will work, I demand it and you will not go against me." So I know I am not being "unsubmissive" in this.

Also I agree with I Timothy 5:14 -- I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
and Titus 2:4-5 -- That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.


I know that being home is the right thing to do. I don't want to keep "dancing" around this direction in my life. The fears still creep up though and I keep running to the job boards to see what's out there. I told my boss on 11/6/06 I wanted to quit and he says 12/7/06 a replacement should be there for me to train, but this gal who is taking the job has like an hour commute to get here everyday...so will she really keep the job? Time will tell.

I have a friend in Ohio who I met in July 2003. At the time she had 3 children. Her youngest was 9 months old. I helped her get her youngest girl to sleep through the night w/o waking her and her DH and older 2 girls. IN Oct 2004 she had a 4th child- her first son. In Nov 2005 she had another son, and she is due Feb 07 with another son. She says maybe the Lord is not blessing me with another child because I am not a keeper at home. I am not so sure that is the reason the Lord is withholding children from us. This gal also said "isn't it funny, I am trying to quit having babies and you want more" when she told me she was pregnant with #6. She can't use the pill and her DH is "allergic" to condoms and she is only 25, so many more fertile years to go. She says she would love to trade me bodies, so I could have children and she could get a break.

I also don't understand the "it's what you eat" connection, after all, the gal above and many others I have met, eat junk food way more than I do, drink pepsi and other sodas like water, smoke, etc...yet they have normal cycles and conceive like it's no big deal. Why, Oh Why, Oh Why....