yet I have to say that being the one that someone asked about what it's like to be a stay at home mom and kid chores and kid's and money was "swell".
A gal in one of my college classes said she wants to be a SAHM and is hoping her fiance will agree. She also says they differ on how much allowance can be earned when doing chores and what the child should be responsible for paying for. She also mentioned something about waiting until a child was 6 to expect chores but I let her know that as soon as able to, have them throw their own diapers in trash (if use disposable that is), follow along with you with a cloth and help clean, and to make it a fun time. That waiting to make them start, may result in not the desired outcome.
She says her fiance thinks the child when older should pay for all of it's clothes and any outings. She thinks if it's a family outing the parents should pay but agrees if it's just that one child wanting to do something (think teen years here) then they should pay for that outing and also parents should buy clothes. I said I could see if you have a clothing budget and the child wants say a name brand or something, then you spend what you have set aside and they make up the difference to get that label.
She was worried her fiance didn't understand her. I said maybe he too thinks the same but sometimes guys our thinking one thing, but what they are thinking comes out different and they hope you understood what they were saying because they were thinking it. and vice versa.
I did tell her all the things they are talking about are good to discuss before tying the knot.
Some of my final thoughts not spoken out loud:
This is the time for agreeing/compromise plans to be made, not when it could cause an unraveling of the knot. Better to know you are on the same page in terms of life goals and direction to head in or not get married to that person. I understand there may be decisions that come up down the road that weren't even thought of and at that point new discussion and ultimate decisions will need to be made, together if possible or by the male leader if not possible. Hopefully skills learned before marriage about giving each other a turn to speak and time to think it over and trying to agree together can be made before an ultimatum, although in some situations that there isn't time, then hopefully the male knows the wife enough and has both of their well-being at heart when making a quick decision.
1 comment:
I must say that I agree!
For one, a child can and should learn to help with chores before they are old enough to realize that they are chores.
I am amazed how fast my 9 year old son can zip through his bedroom, the living room, etc. cleaning when he really wants to do something...I began training him as soon as he could walk. I remember standing behind him & holding his hands in mine and walking him around showing him how to pick up blocks.
My youngest (girl) who is 22 months can follow simple instructions like throwing away her diaper or getting a pillow for mom. I am really amazed at how much a toddler can understand, but we don't do baby talk either.
Also, I agree that a couple who is planning to get married should discuss the issues you mentioned before marriage. It may be uncomfortable, but necessary.
One more thing...as a teenager I bought most of my clothes. I earned money babysitting and at 16 I worked at McDonalds. I think I paid for most of my outings as well.
Staying at Home is best, too! I hope he lets her so she can be a "Keeper at Home."
Blessings!
Heather
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