The insensitiveness of some moms....

Earlier I was waiting for DS's gymnastics to be over so we could go sign him up for football camp. To my left were 2 moms talking with a slew of children (aged 4 and under) around them. One of the moms was spouting off about how one of the girls she had with her was an only child and you could tell because she really likes to test boundaries.

Uh excuse me, all the parenting books say children of that age range test boundaries until they know parents mean business when they say to do or not do something. The nerve of her to attribute it as a trait of an only child. Again, all children test boundaries. They even make sitcoms about children testing boundaries, that's how common it is.

So while she is belittling only children everywhere, her youngest darts out the door. My son is out there and I see that he has spotted the knew to walking tot and is instantly looking out for her. The other "only child" that the lady is babysitting is desperately trying to get the ladies attention and tell her that her daughter just left the room and is out in the room where the other adults are lifting weights and the main door that leads to the parking lot. I too am hollering, "miss, mam, miss...."

All the while this lady just keeps spouting off about the bad traits of only children to the other mom with a slew of children also.

OK there is a time for talking (but not putting others down...many children are onlies because it was the LORD's will, not their parents will) and there is a time for watching your brood, especially out in public, you are not in the comfort and safety of your home. Imagine if that little girl had been able to get out to the parking lot or had an accident with the weights...and what was the mom doing, touting the "greatness" of not being an only child.

UGH!

For the record, as part of a discussion I took place in earlier this week, a few comments by other moms of onlies that I wish lived closer, I would really like to meet another mom of an only so we could fellowship and our children could play. It seems moms with many just don't have time for another mom and her one child to take part in their backyard just playing.

***well the boy my son has been playing with is/was an only...until today, his mom just told me she is pregnant. That's 6 people I can name off the top of my head who are expecting. So the news of someone just finding out they are preggers and the news of someone who killed their 4 month old all in one day. It seems like when something is just out of your reach, it is also staring you in the face all day. sigh....***

1 mom said : So now you're bad if ya have kids (according to the population control police) and you're bad if you only have one (according the the quiverfull camp, which I consider myself a part of, we don't prevent pregnancies, I don't ovulate, no egg no baby simple as that)

another said: A lot of the good homeschooling resources out there are from the "quiverful" group. Which I also consider ourselves a part of, but "leaving family size in God's hands" does not always mean a child every 1-3 years...It's difficult to believe that, be around others that believe that, and then to be judged by them when they don't know all the facts. "You're selfish for not wanting more. Not following God's plan. Must be some hidden sin." You pick the saying...

And another said: While some of the books/mags have very useful and helpful resources they can also be hurtful in the way they talk about things. Not that they aren't good resources and I'm glad it is there for those that need it, but we have different cases. I remember the articles on keeping the baby/toddler (or both) busy while working with the older ones used to sting just a little.

another comment: I just find it ironic that people who live by "accept as many children as God gives you" can be so non-accepting of those who do that and are only given 1... or none at all....Not talking about Klicka, but my own experience with several churches that are big on a "Quiverful and Homeschooling."

One more: I am NOT doing something wrong just because I have only one child. People will say to me, "Oh, I am so tired and busy and I have 6 kids and yada yada yada" and do I say, "Oh, you really shouldn't have had 6 kids, that's why you're so tired and busy. That was a dumb move." NO, of course I don't say that! That's rude, and mean, and none of my business, and I have to assume they are living out God's will in the number of kids they have. I accept your 11 kids, please accept my 1.

A great comment: I really don't understand this. People assume that an only will be shy, selfish, self centered, spoiled, rude and generally speaking a brat.... yet when they see this behavior in multi children families they don't say... oh he must be a sibling that's why!

My Only is generally polite, giving, outgoing, opinionated and conversational, caring of others, and for the most part well behaved. I get complements on him all the time.

He has less of the "only child syndrome" than most siblinged (is that a word?) children I know. Which I usually see the most of in families that say things like that. I find it an odd observation as having more children didn't "cure" the ones they had of these "bad behaviors" or mannerisms...yet they are quick to assume an only will have them in triplicate to make up for the lack of others?

Its like people saying someone is shy because they are home-schooled...no, that is just who they are...what about the public schooled kids who are shy? I don't hear "oh they go to public school."