As you know, I am reading the earlier issues of MIH magazine. I just started issue number 2 last night. IN the From My Heart to Yours column, Cat, says and I quote:
But anyone who is not aware that he is doing wrong will be punished only lightly. Much is required from those to whom much is given, for their responsibility is greater. ~Luke 12:48~ (does not give version...)
Do we ever wonder why it is we don't have all the things we think we need to have? We will be given all that we can handle. So if what you are given now is not being taken care of the way God intended...do you think He is going to give you more? He knows you can't handle that right now. We often hear that God does not give us more than we can handle. Something to think about, that is for sure.
End Quote
So it's true, the LORD thinks I am a bad mom and that is why HE has not continued to bless me... or at least that is what I got out of that article.
That the one child HE has entrusted me with, HE obviously doesn't think I am doing a good enough job to deserve more children.
But then knowing other moms as I do, moms who don't have it together either, yet they have 5-6 children, apiece. What's up with that. They are more worthy, deserving, or able to handle it than I? Yet I am the one they come crying to everytime there is a problem. Problems that I myself would like to say I am dealing with but only get to deal with via the phone. Why they come to me and ask me for advice on coping with 5-6 children underfoot is beyond me because it only makes me cry. And obviously the one whose opinion matters most doesn't think I am capable of even caring for one child properly.
For more on this topic and to see why I am not sure that passage should even be applied to why I do or don't have more children...cuz like I said, confusing.
http://dawnescapes.blogspot.com/2007/06/hrnnmm.html
So then this makes me feel guilty and like apologizing several times over that I am not taking proper care of my son and for being a complete failure as a mom. It's true when I need to get chores done that DS can only choose to help me or entertain himself, I can't say to my children to go play together because there is no together to be had. My son has to spend a lot of time entertaining himself and yes that can be a good thing but the examples of how others spend their days always include some playtime and I am sure that is mom and all children playing together....here it is just DS and I.
So I ask the LORD to forgive me and make me a better mom to show me what I am doing wrong and how to do it right. And ask HIM why, to explain it to me. HE gave me a vision when I was 16 of me in the future home educating several children around the dining room table...I don't understand why HE would give me such a vision if in reality it would only be 1 child not several.
JUST SHOW ME WHAT I AM DOING WRONG SO I CAN FIX IT AND THEN HOPEFULLY YOU WILL BLESS ME WITH MORE CHILDREN. PLEASE LORD, THIS AGONY AND HEARTACHE IS KILLING ME.
When I was 18-20 years of age, I lived with some friends - a married couple who treated me like one of their own daughters- and they had two boys ages 5 and 7 at the time. I took care of them when they came home from school. I would help them with any homework, cook supper and while I was cooking the boys would play together, I was good at helping them to get along and not squabble, I would have a pitcher of tea ready for my friends because they liked to have a nice, cold glass when they came home and supper ready. My friends always said I would make a great mom someday.
Also a few years back, I babysat for my old youth pastor and his wife. They had a little girl 4 months older than my DS and 2 older boys. Their daughter spent the night in my home several times when our closely aged children were 18 months to 3 years of age. A couple of times I watched them and the two boys all evening and/or overnight also. I think the boys were 5 and 6 when I had their three children and my DS overnight. We got along just fine. It did seem like I was constantly making a meal or snack and then cleaning up but even with that the children got along, no quarreling at all. DH commented on how well I was able to keep it all together at the time.
3 comments:
I am sure that you are not a bad mom.
So, in regards to your question of, "Why can't I have more children? Is it because I am a bad mom?" I would say, definitely not. In all honestly, no one really knows why you are having more children (not even the doctors).
In regards to God not giving us more than we can handle...what about my dear friend who should have no problem getting pregnant, but isn't? She does a great job with my children when she comes over here (and so does her husband), so then, "Why?" we ask...the answer, only God knows.
For many of us, who have several children, it is heartbreaking for us to know that you deeply desire more children, but for some unknown reason are not being blessed (same goes for my dear friend who has none). All we can do, as sisters in Christ, is to fervently pray and wait upon the Lord.
Your friend in Christ,
Heather
I can feel the sadness in your words! I have a dear friend who has one son who is 5 and has longed for another, yet has not been given one. Her sadness is great as well.
You know the answer to your question is NOT that you are a bad mother. We are all imperfect mothers! I cant imagine for the life of me why I would deserve 7 children, because I dont. I fail miserably everyday at being a mom.
I also had a dear friend, we were both weeks away from having our 4th sons. I had Ethan and 4 weeks later she had Riley stillborn at full term.
I was crushed, I didnt understand why I got to keep my baby, but she did not. They had money, a great family. She had brilliant, smart children whom she homeschooled...they were a much more fitting family to have a baby than my husband and I, it made no sense to me. I was the mother lacking more, yet I was spared that grief and she wasnt.
It still perplexes me to this day, but I know that what ever the reason He knows and I need not have to.
All of this to say your perfectness or lack there of is not the issue. It's you and I both trusting together that even though we are on opposite ends of the coin, have Faith in Him with every fiber of our being that His will is being done.
I will be praying for you, let those things that other people say role off your back. It is hard not to let them seap into your spirit and crush your faith, I know....just on the flip side of that shiny coin. ;-)
Blessings my sweet friend,
May The Father, the creator of all things, the Giver of life bless your womb with your hearts desire, in Yeshuas precious and perfect name.
;-)
I know a family that soon after becoming convicted about being quiverfull had a still birth then waited. They waited for 4 years. Now they have another daughter. I don't know why God would have them wait so long but He did. I am just saying don't give up hope of having more children. It sounds like you are pretty knowledgeable about being healthy and knowing your body. Research(if you haven't yet) all those ferility trouble spots like thyroid, extra hormones from outside sources and nutritional deficiencies.
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